It’s April 1st 2015, Easter is fast approaching and it’s time to look forward to a life of utopia on my brand new island paradise.
Yes, in New Bri-land or Great Bri-tain or Ausbri-lia or even RDRB (Real Democratic Republic of Brian), haven’t decided on which name yet, the promised land will be free of the lunatic brigade feminists, the politically correct jobsworths and all forms of sub standard living beings.
My land will be an island far, far away from the degenerative Western culture and will not allow reality tv to be shown or participated in. Anyone caught practising this dark art will be made to wash their face in manure while singing any awful song from a manufactured girl or boy band as punishment. You have been warned!
On this island utopia, there will be 251 self catering apartments made with top quality materials. Mine will be the biggest and best. There will also be 24 hour internet access with 1 million megabyte speeds, thus ensuring no buffering while watching porn. 😉
Entrepreneurships are actively encouraged as we need people on the island who can open and run small food supermarkets, clothes shops, gyms and strip clubs. This is a very important skill to have.
There will be a very small tax rate of 10% of all earnings and this money will be primarily used to import higher quality women to dance on the poles of the afforementioned Gentlemen’s Clubs. The rest will be spent on defense and the upkeep of the island.
I believe strongly in equality, so there will be all muscly, macho men clubs to keep the females entertained and all female only clubs to keep me entertained. The rest of you can make your own fun.
There will be a large satellite dish on the island but it will not show any Western news propoganda, yes you BBC, ITV, Sky, Fox and CNN nor will it show anything starring Jeremy Kyle, Philip Schofield, Simon Cow-ell or anything involving talentless, brainless, horrible media created “slebrities”. I’m talking to you, Kardashian, Price, Beiber, Cyrus, every reality tv boy band, every reality tv girl band and all of the rest of you stupid, breathing sub humans. You know who you are!
My land will be run solely by me and in the style of the great Roman dictatorships. I will be called by my official name of Emperor Brianus of Utopius and the heir to my throne will be Baby Brianus Junior IV. I will commission 12 men called the Emperors Senate that i will personally appoint using a knife and fork. They will propose all legislation for this great land and as there will not be a salary for being a member of this senate, each of the 12 men WILL get first dibs on new ladies that arrive by rowing boat. 🙂
The people of the island will import outsiders to build all of the roads, houses and schools for a pittance of a salary and anyone failing to meet my standards will be tortured with 48 hours of episodes of X Factor, cookery shows and daytime tv. If that doesn’t teach them, nothing will.
The men and women on this island will be of the highest quality. The men will be confident, funny, ambitious, intelligent and be willing to give me first refusal of any woman they are attracted too. The women will be classy, articulate, beautiful, witty, demure, intelligent and most of all FEMININE and also be willing to give me first refusal regardless of which other men they find more attractive than me. 😉
As these qualities are very rare to find in a female, it would not be in the best interests of any woman from the UK, America or any other dillusional, brainwashed Western nation to apply because the chances are, i will laugh at your application and use your photo as a repellant for insects, animals and dragons.
Out of the initial 250 places available to live on this island, 50 will be men and 200 will be women imported from the highest quality beauty nations on earth. Eastern Europe, North East Asia (Japan/Korea), India and Scandinavia will take precedence. This is a ratio of 4 women to every 1 man which i think is a good ratio! 😉
Cohabiting will be encouraged, as will pro creation on the condition that any baby born has to be securely ensconced in a soundproof room for the entirety of it’s first 5 years. If i hear any crying noises or tantrums at all, you and your child will be removed immediately and sent to a council estate in England with an unemployment rate of over 100% where you can mix with your own kind of degenerates.
Those female babies on this island utopia will be sent to beauty school from the age of 16 having gone through the islands progressive education system. They will be taught how to look their best 24 hours a day and be offered jobs in any of the upmarket strip clubs from the age of 18. If that is not the line of work they desire, they can become housewives and take cookery, dish washing and hoovering classes in specially set up colleges.
There will be no fat shaming on my island but anyone who let’s themselves go and becomes less than a 7 out of 10 will be given a gym membership to be used 12 hours a day until they get back in shape. Failing that, they will be shot! 🙂
I will also not accept bullying or slut shaming. A high quality woman is a special thing in today’s world and she is entitled to actively seek out as much sex as she wants on the island as long as i get first chance. I’m sure you agree, this is fair!
Once our tiny island nation increases to a population of 1000 of the absolute best quality human kind can produce, we will then plan to invade the next nearest island with counterfeit weapons imported from China.
I believe I am providing a tremendous opportunity for the chosen 250 to live in a more traditional utopia with a favorable sex imbalance that can’t be found anywhere else in the world. After searching the globe for high quality women and finding only certain nations cater for my tastes, the next logical step is to create my own paradise from scratch.
If you’re ready to join me on my utopian crusade, reserve your spot by liking this post on my Facebook page or you can send me a non-refundable deposit of $20,000 and wait for further instructions. 🙂
First access to the island will be granted to those 200 females who portray all of the great qualities i mentioned above then to those 50 men who truly respect the women for those qualities.
So with all of that being said, i thank you for your interest in my utopian island and i look forward to each and every one of you calling me Emperor. 😉