It’s officially the first day of British Summer Time. The clocks have gone forward 1 hour, the nights are getting lighter and major changes are afoot in my life over the coming weeks and months.
Firstly, i’m moving into a new flat down by the sea front, 3 bedrooms and all. Woohoo! The big move is mid April and i can’t wait.
Secondly, i’ve just started working with adults with brain injuries as a Support Worker in my home city. It’s time to give back instead of take, take, take and with it being 4 years since i last worked as a carer for my nana, the time has come to get back on board.
Thirdly, i’ve finally decided to end my bachelor days and start the hunt for that one top quality girl to add the finishing touches to my life. I don’t expect to find that girl in Northern England as anyone who knows me, knows the reasons why but you just never know. That shiny, beautiful needle may very well appear in the UK haystack of mediocrity.
The world is wide open to female possibilities and no nation is exempt from my search. My standards are very high and my tolerance to wasters is very low, so let the quest begin…
So now that i’m officially on the market and on the hunt for a quality girl, i’ve been wondering to myself why i’ve been single for so long.
These are my Top 10 conclusions…
1. I LOVE being single. THE END!
2. I don’t NEED and NEVER have needed a female in my life, unlike most men who will go with anything. I am NOT that desperate.
3. I would rather watch sports like cricket, football, tennis, rugby, boxing, cycling, motor racing and AFL than spend another minute burning my eyes watching soaps, reality shows, cookery shows, NO-talent contests (yes, Z Factor, YOU!) and all of the other mind numbing garbage that incorrectly passes as entertainment.
4. I like being 100% dependent on myself and able to do things when I choose to do them like go to the gym, travel, sing, dance, hoover and all of those other life’s joys than be constantly questioned on every move i make. 🙂
5. I LOVE having my own flat to come home too and be able to switch on the tv and watch pointless documentaries and politic shows for hours on end for absolutely no reason at all.
6. I want to spend many hours a day on my laptop working, entertaining or just wasting time watching stupid videos on Youtube and not having to dread that phone call asking where i am and being invited out to meet the in-laws… AGAIN, for a night of, ahem, bonding. Pfttt!
7. I like being able to leave my clothes randomly scattered around my flat without being told to pick them up… or fold them up… or put them in the wash… or put them in the draw… or the wardrobe… or the bin. Siiiiiigh!
8. I want to be able to stay up till 3am reading books or watching the odd (and i mean, ODD), ahem, adult film, without any repercussions or explanations. Cough! 🙂
9. I would rather stuff my face with cooked chicken…or Indian curry… or Sunday roast dinners… or Weetabix than date a girl. I find the food more pleasurable and delicious than any woman could ever be.
10. I just can’t be bothered! 😉
Now, having said all of that, i’m already starting to question my decision to give up my singledom. Hmmm, Should i? Could i? Will i? Can i? All of these questions are giving me a headache!
Yeah, what the hell, go for it Brian, i have faith in you. After all, it’s the girls who don’t meet me that are missing out, who i feel sorry for. So it’s my duty as a tall, slim, slightly receding, slightly greying, slightly strange, intelligent, unpredictable, unconventional, adventurous man, to get out there and give those girls that chance. It’s only fair! 😉 🙂